From Archers of Loaf to Chumbawamba, these are the 30 worst band names of all time.
The other day, I was thinking about how Music Related Junk is such a crappy name for a music blog. I could have gone for something fun and wacky to match the likes of Gorilla vs Bear and Aquarium Drunkard. Instead, I chose a name that implies my entire blog is rubbish. I guess there's always time to rebrand it...
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| What do you think of the new name? |
Anyway, this got me thinking about awful band names. Just
like an awful blog name, an awful band name can be a major turnoff (it took me years to listen to The Postal Service simply because I hated the name). The thing
that makes crappy band names so intriguing is that they are a collaborative
decision. Honestly, it’s crazy to think that a group of people would collectively agree on
the name ‘Chumbawamba’ or ‘Archers of Loaf’. Below are 30 of the worst
offenders that I’ve come across over the years. Let me know if I’ve missed any.
30. Cigarettes After Sex
Sounds like something a bunch of
public school kids who’ve been watching too many Tarantino films would come out
with. Surprisingly, the group are actually a bunch of middle-aged men. Anyhow,
it’s by far the least terrible band name on this list...
29. Emerson, Lake & Palmer
Sounds like a law firm. Have you
been injured in an accident? Call Emerson, Lake & Palmer today!
28. Coldplay
Their original band name was Starfish. Inspired by a poem,
they instead went with ‘Coldplay’. QUITE FITTING CONSIDERING HOW COLD AND EMOTIONLESS
THEIR MUSIC IS. Parachutes and A Rush Of Blood To The Head are
actually decent albums, but this isn’t the time for a Coldplay discography breakdown,
so let’s move on shall we…
27. Radiohead
Like Coldplay, Radiohead are proof that you don’t need a
good band name to become successful. I always thought that their name was just a dorkier version of Motorhead (they actually named themselves after a Talking Heads song. So many different '-head' bands!).
26. Soundgarden
Arguably the heaviest of Grunge’s ‘big four’, and they sound
like some twinkly ambient project.
25. Portugal. The Man.
A number of bands are named after
places that they have no connection with (e.g. Beirut, Texas, Asia), and the
same goes for this band, who have no connection to Portugal. Of course, they’ve
made things all the more obnoxious by adding ‘the man.’ afterwards, which
doesn’t make an iota of sense.
24. Of Montreal
You can’t bring this band up in
conversation without sounding like you’ve got a stammer: ‘Have you heard of
Of Montreal?’ Likewise, none of the band members of this group have any
connections to Montreal (they’re from Athens, Georgia).
23. Car Seat Headrest
Boring. Of all the parts of a car to name your band after.
22. The Postal Service
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
21. The Band
Like naming your baby ‘Baby’.
20. The Music
Like naming your baby ‘Human’.
19. Panic! At The Disco
That! exclamation mark.
18. 3OH!3
This one gets double points for containing an exclamation
mark and arbitrary numbers.
17. !!!
Yes, there’s a band that is literally three exclamation
marks. ‘How is that even pronounced?’, you ask. Apparently, fans call them ‘chk chk chk’.
16. Rae Sremmurd
I was going to save this for a list of bad rap names, but I
may as well include it here too. The hip hop duo took the words ‘ear’ and
‘drummers’ and spelt it backwards to make ‘rae sremmurd’. It’s lame and I don’t
know how to pronounce it.
15. We Butter The Bread With Butter
Pointless. Plus, I hate butter.
14. The Devil Wears Prada
These guys are a metal band and they named themselves after a chick lit novel. Gay.
13. Bowling For Soup
The age old question: are they bowling to win soup or on
behalf of soup? Confusing.
12. Archers of Loaf
I feel like soup bowling and bread archery are two connected
sports.
11. The Ting Tings
‘That’s Not My Name!’. No, sadly, it is.
10. Sunn O)))
The drone metal band’s name is
pronounced ‘Sun’. That’s right, the ‘o)))’ is silent. It’s frustrating, because
I always want to pronounce this band as ‘sun OOOOOH!’. They apparently stole their name from an amplifier brand logo.
9. Bananarama
And now time for some gibberish
band names…
8. Showaddywaddy
Please, no more.
7. Chumbawamba
Make it staaahp!
6. Hoobastank
You know what’s more nonsensical
than the name Hoobastank? The fact that this band were formerly known as Hoobustank
and thought that changing a letter would somehow improve things.
5. Abörted Hitler Cöck
I decided to leave deliberately offensive band names like ‘Butthole
Surfers’ and ‘Anal Cunt’ off of this list, because the whole purpose of these
bands names is to shock and offend – therefore they serve their purpose.
‘Aborted Hitler Cock’ is an attempt to be offensive but it makes absolutely no
sense. It’s just three shock buzzwords strung together with some umlauts
sprinkled over the top.
4. Paracoccidioidomicosisproctitissarcomucosis
If Mary Poppins formed a grindcore band. According to the group,
it means: ‘a weird disease that contaminates carcasses, making them explode
while killing everyone in a two kilometres radius’.
3. Ungl’unl’rrlh’chchch
I know what you’re thinking. Sounds like the noise of
someone feasting on soup and bread after a hard day of bowling and
archery, doesn’t it? I do hope they buttered the bread with butter!
2. The Fuck Fucks
Probably the lamest attempt to make an offensive
band name. What’s more offensive than one fuck? Two fucks of course!
Fascinating Fuck Fact: There are actually quite a
few successful bands with ‘fuck’ in their name including Fuck Buttons, Fucked
Up, Holy Fuck and Fuck. In 2008, they were all invited to play at a festival in
the Austrian town of Fucking (No joke. Check it out here). To my knowledge, The
Fuck Fucks weren’t invited.
1. XAVLEGBMAOFFFASSSSITIMIWOAMNDUTROABCWAPWAEIIPPOHFFFX
I searched and I searched and this was by the far
the worst band name that I could find. They’re a South African brutal death
metal band. This is their logo.
The band name is actually an acronym that stands
for (are you ready for this?): Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By
Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside
The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A
Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse
Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus.
It’s needlessly long-winded, unpronounceable and eye-rollingly
edgy. Well done, band that I can’t be bothered to type out again. You win.